The presence of the man we love and who loves us creates a primal feeling of safety for a woman. His absence, particularly too much of it, creates the opposite-a lack of safety. Of course, I'm not saying that when a man goes to work during the day his wife suddenly feels unsafe, or that we always feel safe and loved when we're physically together. Generally, however, spending time together with her man creates a feeling of safety in a woman because, in a very primal way, it sends a message to her brain that she is not alone, that she is cared for. how women value time, and you can see why spending time with the man we love is one of the most powerful ways for us to feel safe.

Here are some comments about this from women who participated in my survey:

"I feel safe when he wants to spend his free time with me, because I know where he is and that he wants to be there with me."

"When my boyfriend shows me that he wants to make time for me in his schedule, I feel like he doesn't want to lose me, like he is showing me how committed he is to our relationship, and that I am a priority."

"One of the most reassuring things my husband can do in our marriage is to tell me that he misses me, and suggest that we spend special time together. It doesn't matter what else he's done to upset me-when he shows me he wants to be with me, I just melt."

For every woman, there is an internal barometer of how much time together or apart creates a level of emotional safety we are comfortable with. But one thing is always true: Spending special time with the man we love is one of the most reassuring things for us in our intimate relationship, and not spending enough special time together inevitably can cause our safety level to drop.


Women's health

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